Trust IS Enough

I've needed to post a blog update for several days now...but time, and desire to blog have gotten away from me. :)

It's amazing how giving up Facebook for Lent has really freed me of being online much at all.

Now, granted, I am online when I do my data entry work from home...but that is entirely different... I've even found myself as of late just not perusing Pinterest (for the shame!!!) or reading my favorite Mommy Blogs...it's just as though my heart's desire lies elsewhere these days and I am really embracing it.

To start with an update on Little Boy.

I mentioned to a dear friend that my baby will likely be the culprit of every gray hair snaking it's way into my long locks...and yet, I am smitten with that little rascal.

The days following his appointment I was rather a wreck.

Perhaps it wasn't visible outwardly, but inside my brain fear and concern were pounding a drum I just could not quiet. Every time I would think on it, I'd run a silent prayer, "Dear God...please...."

I think the prayers that parent's pray for their children are perhaps the most desperate.

Throughout the day it kept occuring, I couldn't seem to finish a thought, a conversation, a task..without crying out in some small way.

Now, I know that many will think this is an overly concerned reaction given the circumstances, but my FEAR, my CONCERN was that it seem's this day and age any time a little boy is evaluated or treated for speech he is than somehow labeled and than additionally lumped into some autism spectrum, or his "busy-ness" is than labeled and categorized and before I know it, someone is trying to encourage me to medicate my child...

It's happened. It happens. I've seen it.

So, in my prayers...in my day...I was exhausted.

I was texting a friend saying that I was going to be unable to come for a visit to see her because I was just scattered and really needed a few days to let things sink in and absorb my feelings, kinda "rally the troops" within my own spirit, before I could venture out on a "Mommy Date".

This friend is SO precious.

She text me a reply and asked if my kiddos were in bed??

Not only were my kiddos in bed, but Hubby and I were cooking a late-night, spicy dinner for us (after the Biggies and Littlest had a dinner we'd sat down with them at earlier that evening) and were going to watch a movie...I was even sitting on the counter trying to enjoy a glass of wine...yet, I'd lose my thoughts to what was going on... Hubby would pop in and ask, "Could you grab me the pepper?" and I'd snap back to reality and think, "HOW can he care about pepper at a time like this?!??"

(**dare I say, I've been accused of being..errr..slightly dramatic??)

Needless to say, a call to a girlfriend and fellow Type-A (I say that in the NICEST way) Mommy was probably just what I needed.

I called her and she shared with me the most amazing devotional.

Afterwards, I wept.

Ask Hubby.

It happened.

The direction of the devotional was that God asks us to come to Him in prayer.

To prayer for something, but than not to continue to come to Him again and again and again over the same topic...by doing so we are not fully trusting in the goodness of His work's and it forces us to remain in a position of stress and tension

(exactly where I was locked in)

But to come to Him in prayer and than each time the thought or concern or worry, or whatever the topic may be, came to mind, to just utter a prayer of thankfulness to Him and praise for the work His almighty Hand was already laying forth in the plan for our Life.

Did I mention it was exactly what I needed to hear??

And, it is exactly what I did.

The past few days have been such a beautiful blessing, the weight and worry have subsided and I'm truly just feeling at peace with the long-term outcome. I've taken the fear and worry and transformed it into thankfulness and a blessing.

This past weekend was R's long patrol weekend, meaning he works about 40 hours over 3 days.

Normally, it would seem to me to stretch out over an eternity, but with him away or sleeping during the day to prep for his nightshift, we truly made the most of it...time away from the internet and Facebook has me finishing up tasks and projects that seemed so daunting and that I had "no time" for even just a week ago...we spent time outdoors prepping our flower beds...we colored, played games, spent time on ground level doing things like Matchbox cars and puzzles...I have been Spring-cleaning closests and drawers and hauling either bags to Goodwill or paying it forward to friends and neighbors...it's been a beautiful time away from "social networking"...it's been a different time of networking for my soul and one that I didn't even know I needed until now...

It's funny...I have several friends that have text, emailed and inquried how I was "dealing" without Facebook, and it kind of made me giggle...for one thing, I never truly realized HOW much cumulative time I wasted on there until I wasn't logging on, and it's amazing how all the things (as mentioned above) that seem to fulfill my day in the absence of the internet...

R & I were talking after dinner just the other night on this very topic, and I said how lovely and satisfied I was with my life, my home, my everything when I had no other daily comparison of what was going on... Perhaps before when other's were boasting about what they had did or already done by just an early morning hour, I'd think "errr...I am being so lazy today...I should really get my stuff together..." Or some post about a fun project someone did with their kids or for their home, I'd ponder if I was doing as much with MY kids are what had I done lately to MY home...and recently I have solely, and ONLY focused on me, my own value, my children, my spouse, my Home...and it's been a beautiful form of solitude during this time of Lent. Does it mean upon the arrival of Easter that I will no longer log in to Facebook, of course not, but it certainly is eye-opening and I am certainly going to make changes in an effort to retain this peacefulness and clarity...

It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally

hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands
knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts. ~K.T. Jong

STINK

It's Ash Wednesday.

The beginning of Lent.

This year, I gave up Facebook.

AGAIN.

I did it last year as well.

Wowzer.

It's amazing how frequently I would scroll through that newsfeed and "see" what our "Friends" were up to.

Being a stay-at-homer...it was an easy way to get a little "fix" of adult interaction without ever having to actually leave the house.

It MIGHT be a looooong 40 days til Easter. ;)

And, lo' and behold, I go about and give it up and the FIRST day I am without, I am already struggling.

Why??

Well, because Littlest Boy had his 2 year check-up today...and just as I had suspected, but been trying to avoid the reality...his pediatrician wants to have his hearing examined and for him to begin attending Speech Therapy.

I don't know why this struck me as hard as it did.

I didn't cry - not IN the doctor's office anyway - but when I hauled my baby out to the car, got him buckled in, braced myself against the gusts of wind that wanted to fight my door from me and finally managed to collapse in the driver's seat...I cried.

I know it's not the WORST news in the world.

I am readily aware of that...and if one more person feel's the need to tell me that, frankly, I might scream.

I always get annoyed when people try to change another person's struggle or concern and tell them, "It COULD be worse..."

Really?
No kidding.

But, the best lesson I've learned over the past handful of years is that EVERYBODY has a story.

Everybody has a reason for the choices they make and the things they do.

Their life is their own, the joys the sorrows, the triumphs and the struggles.

Sometimes, rather than trying to change a person's mindset on the situation..it's easier to just lend an ear and be a good listener.

People don't always want you to fix things, just so much as they want to be heard.

As a parent, no matter how big or how small, you never want your child to suffer or struggle.

I know, I know...it's not necessarily "character building" but hey, there are enough things in the day-to-day task of growing & living, do they really need anything else tossed in there??

UGH.

Home now for a bit...and sitting down at my lap top to begin my data entry job from home...I had to log in and vent and journal today's WEIGHT.

The concern is definitely on my shoulders.

People mocked and asked WHY if I was giving up Facebook I wasn't also going to give up my blogging? Well, simply because this blog is, and has been, more of a journal of thoughts and a way to release my mind to page.

It helps rid the tick-tick-tick of items running through my mind once I jot them down.

I'd use a pen to paper, but let's face it...typing is muuuuuch faster.

And, (whew!) I feel better already having just taking the time to get that out.

Now, off to work while Littlest has his nap.

I am Second® - Landry Jones

Have you heard of the "I am Second" movement?
Doing that very thing so many speak of doing, but so few of us actually put into action and verse putting Christ first and ourselves second?
It's an amazing series of videos.
I'll be posting our favorites throughout the month...I am so blessed by watching these with my Hubby and big kiddos...the dialogue it creates of reminding our children that God doesn't care where you are or what you've done, all He wants is YOU.
We reassure them, don't let the judgments or harshness of others, or even yourself strip that truth from you.

My one and only, darling girl

Preparing to head out for a night on the town.

Dinner out and than on to the Father/Daughter Ball.

What precious time for the two of them.

My favorite thing about this girlie is the way she shines from the inside out.

She radiates love.

Just prior to leaving she forwarded an email picture of herself and said, "I'm so cute."

I adore that she wrote it as a solid statement..not asking, "Do you think I look cute?" but has the confidence in herself to know it without having to be told by other's.

Now THAT is a chick I can admire! ;)

The sunshine and blue skies have been deceiving lately.

Indoors the sun lighting up my hardwood floors calls for me to gather up the babies and head outdoors...but once there, I'm nothing but ready to run back in and curl up fireside.

Oh well.

Spring will make it's way soon enough to our neck of the woods...until than, we'll continue to bundle up and hike the nearby trails close to home that overlook some of the most gorgeous wine country Washington State has to offer.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in
looking outward together in the same direction.

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

because we're stickin' to the plan, Stan...

It's always so exciting for R & I when we have friends/family reach out to us and inquire about our budgeting process and how we got started with ole Dave Ramsey...truly, it is SUCH a compliment to us that people take note of how we manage our finances and ask us HOW they can do the same.

Even my parents tell us constantly how PROUD they are of the commitment we've made.

But, it's so strange to have other's ask us "How DO you do it??"

It's a slippery slope that thing called finances :)

Now, TRULY...we stick to the plan as best we can.

But, admittedly we DO tell people that we don't follow Dave's Steps as if they were Law. One very important thing we CONTINUE to do is put funds aside in R's 401k through work for retirement. With the matching that his City employment brings...it just killed us NOT too!

But I swear, it always seems it is this time of year as people begin getting tax returns and the dreary Winter months start weighing in...people all around us start shouting from the rooftops about how they are traveling here, or booking a vacation there...and it takes every

fiber

of

my

being

to not book a luxurious, tropical vacation riiight along with the rest of them.

But, alas...we stick to the plan.

We stick to it because we have been BLESSED so tremendously by the sacrifices we have made and when we see the momentum of where this journey is taking us...it makes it that much harder to jump ship.

When I look ahead to being able to pay cash for my children's college tuition, when I see the numbers on our mortgage continue to drop so that in short time we will OWN our own Home free and clear - - wowzer.

I'm all aboard.

Now, not aboard by way of a cruise or anything...not yet anyway...but when we DO embark on that trip of a lifetime how much sweeter the drink with the umbrella in it will taste knowing I don't owe a dime to anybody for any dang thing... ;)

LAST but not least...

**My last 'truth' post...a few days late posting on here...loved this month of truths and all the FB feedback**

LAST day of January...so my last, in my daily series of "Truth Posts" :)

Remie and I were talking last night, over the past month and the various posts I had written. I told him that I've really enjoyed the feedback, but posting each day a "truth" and been - - rather vulnerable. He, as always, my constant cheerleader reminded me that vulnerability was never a bad thing...but rather a very human ...and admirable trait.

BECAUSE...

#31 The truth of the matter..all this began as I found a poem/prayer at the start of the month. At a time when every post about the holidays seemed like NOTHING but good cheer, Homes were spotless, Children never misbehaved...blah blah blah. It left me feeling somewhat inadequate. Even as I led the happy Life that I do, there were days of unmade beds, dishes in the sink, baby boy pressing my last nerve, etc etc...

I wondered about myself and my own posts and blog that I write...was I putting ONLY the best and brightest of my life out there for all to see or was I allowing myself to be as transparent as I hoped other's would be... Could I do it? Would people judge...my sometimes impatient attitude with my children, a squabble with my spouse, my lonliness or isolation that a sometimes wild two-year-old could bring upon me??

Than I read this: (by Kent M. Keith, Ed.D)

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

And so it began...regardless of what other's thought, or judged my motives to be...I put myself out there exactly as Life came at me...and I haven't regretted one post or one moment. Did I air every skeleton in my closet? Of course not. Was there and is there always more to say? Of course there is... and in due time, perhaps I will reach all those topics.

But for now, I am proud of the representation of myself and my family I've made each day..and the most important thing I gathered out of it, is that we are all so much more similar than we are different - - and what a blessing and a relief that has been... xoxo